Tell her she can't have a vagina
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
