I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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