i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
