people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
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I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
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Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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