It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You don't make any sense
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