Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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