Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Green mimosas i think yes
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
