Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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