ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
