dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
