i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
