so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
