dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
