I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
