We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
