he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
