capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
