matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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