Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
