I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize