If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
