So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
