i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
