I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
