I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
