I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
