he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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