What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
