my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
