...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
sarcasm needs its own font
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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