I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
