VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
