This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
