I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
