Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
