Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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