i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
