dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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