you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
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I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a burrito and a hug.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize