69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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