How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
