singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
