Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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