Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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