I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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