stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I want to fling myself into the sun
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
