I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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