I'm jealous of your bromance
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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