Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
