I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
organizing the empties. That sober.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
