I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize