If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
