nut hugger
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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