I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
