Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
