my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
