I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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