I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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