honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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