There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Umm I'm too high to move.
we made out on top of his cat.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Randomize
