wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
