I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
