Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
