I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
