Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
