i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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