Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My penis needs a shock collar
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
