A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
