I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
