what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Pants are for mortals
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
