So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
