Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
