I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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