Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
