so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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