we made out on top of his cat.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
