I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
