i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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