you turned your livingroom into a bong?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
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We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
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A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
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