here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
